One thing I was unsure of, though, was my figure. I've always been a slender, albeit busty, person - that is just my genetic disposition. Even when I piled on the Freshman Ten in my first year of varsity, no one ever accused me of being a big girl. Tall, sure, but never big. And even that didn't last long, falling away as my second year approached, seemingly without any effort or warning. But pregnancy has a way of negating everything you've ever known about yourself. I wasn't worried that I'd "lose my figure" as was suggested, but rather curious about what to expect once Ricky was born. I had kind of hoped that post-birth I'd be left with a few of those famous Scarlett Johansson curves, that would have been fun! My whole life I've been touted as skinny - God, how I hate that word! To most women it may be the best compliment you could lay at their feet, but for me it has always connoted illness and self-neglect. I cringe at its use. I have to eat regularly and well to maintain my weight, and if my weight drops I work hard to get back to a healthy body mass. Yet too often I am told how skinny I am. And it hurts.
This may sound like a humble brag. I assure you it is not.
This morning I was reading an article on BabyCenter about post-baby bodies, and it got me thinking about my own post-baby body experience. They surveyed 7,000 moms in a quest to find out what "normal" post-baby bodies really look like. To quote the article:
"The big finding – that for many women, the post-baby bulge can be frustratingly hard to lose."This really could have gone without saying. All I hear from women is how having children ruined their figures. (And their hair. Cue the infamous mom bob.) But that was not my experience at all. The experts quoted in the article claim that it is next to impossible to shed the baby weight and get tummy tone back within a year post-birth without regular and lengthy workouts. I respectfully disagree. I lost my baby weight plus some within two weeks and had my tummy tone back within a few months - and with no effort other than lifting and carrying Ricky. I have absolutely no time to work out. I don't even own a gym membership, nor have I ever. I prefer a bit of yoga at home on my own terms, but even that has fallen away with Ricky's arrival, much to my dismay. Little man was delivered by C-section, and two hours later my 2-inch incision was increased by a further three inches when I was rushed back into theatre, so my poor tummy suffered more than the usual birthing trauma. But when the post-op swelling subsided and the pain was low enough to allow, I was back in my jeans and packing away anything I'd bought to accommodate my belly - they simply didn't fit anymore. And once I was healed my abs remembered their old strength. I come from a line of women who bounce back from pregnancy quickly and easily. Sometimes I feel like we were blessed by the gods with the gift for breeding! But that doesn't mean that people have been kind.
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| Three months post-birth The first time dolled up since Ricky was born - at an engagement party for a friend |
Just about every woman (and some men, even) I've seen since Ricky was born has commented on how thin I am. How skinny. And it's often said with some disdain. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm eating. This is perhaps the most insulting question. I am a breastfeeding mom - it would be exceedingly irresponsible of me to starve myself for the sake of vanity when I am my child's only source of nourishment. It appalls me that my friends and family would think so little of me. I have even been stopped by strangers in public places who have asked if Ricky is mine, because I "couldn't possibly have given birth to him".
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| Maternity confirmed |
Perhaps these statements aren't intended to be as hurtful as they are, but that doesn't remove the dagger from my chest. Being called skinny, to me, is as much of an insult as being called fat is to other women. Yet those around me persist.
When I read articles like the aforementioned one, it highlights to me a sense of not belonging. I feel like an outsider. One of these is not like the other... This article served only to make me feel abnormal because I am not sporting a tummy bulge and stretch marks. It seems that there is no room in new-mommy circles for the woman who isn't struggling with her weight, as if these weight struggles somehow make us more dedicated mothers. "I gave up my figure for my baby." Don't we all? I was as prepared as the next mom to never wear skinny jeans again. I cannot see the future, we aren't to know what it brings. I am by no means a yummy mummy who palms her child off on others for care so she can hit the gym, but sometimes it feels that that is how I am perceived. I can almost hear your thoughts. "Oh shut up and stop crying, you skinny bitch, you've had it easy!" Yes, perhaps in a superficial way I have. I can't necessarily relate to your position, because it is something outside of my experience, but let us not forget then that you cannot necessarily relate to mine. Nor do I expect it of you. I would gladly sport a few extra kilos if it meant that I could have had a normal birth experience, if I could have spent the first day and a half of my child's life with him instead of hooked up to machines in a ward far away from him. Life has a way of balancing the scales, I guess.
It would be glorious to not be squinted at through heavy brows in social situations because I don't look the way a new mom ought to. Mommies come in all shapes and sizes, and haircuts, and we all want someone to relate to. Yes, this is my baby. Yes, this is my body. This is me. And all I want is to find my place.
And so, here's to skinny bitches finding their place!
Smiles,
Mommy
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