A Little Sad, But a Little Relieved

Once upon a time, before I was Mommy, I was approached by a woman who was starting an online magazine for moms in business. She was trying to get a few people interested in writing articles, and asked if I was keen. Of course I was! I have no clue how she got my name, and I didn't ask. The magazine, I was told, would touch on all things woman - health, beauty, food, home, children, you name it - and it seemed like the perfect place to cut my teeth with regards to writing. This was not long before Ricky was born, and I was still intent on continuing with a career in events, so I was perfectly placed to write about being a new mom in business - the ups and downs of new mommyhood, juggling a business and a new baby, amusing anecdotes of day-to-day life... We went back and forth for a little while, and eventually it was decided that I would be a regular contributor. We both felt that my style would work better as a column rather than a once-off article - there is just so much happening in a new mom's life! And so, at my suggestion, I submitted a couple articles for her to read to get a feel for my style and content - she gave me absolutely no direction in this regard, so I went with what I considered safe topics, hoping she would give me a little feedback for editing. Well, that was three weeks after Ricky's birth - and I'm still waiting.

I had forgotten all about this magazine until today. The site was under construction for the longest time, and I couldn't get a go-live date from this woman, no matter how hard I tried. I would check back in every couple weeks to see if it was up and running, only to find it in the same state of incompleteness every time. Eventually, I decided that I would take my content and use it elsewhere - a girl can't wait forever! And Becoming Mommy was born. My debut post is an edited version of one of the articles I submitted. Going through old messages on Facebook I came across the message thread between her and I, and I was reminded of the magazine. I clicked on the link she had sent me and there it was - alive and well, and obviously not interested in my articles. Boy, if ever there was a time to feel not good enough, I think this is it.

Seeing it there on my computer screen made me feel a little sad, a little disappointed, but a little relieved. If I am honest, I feel that her conduct was terribly unprofessional. She contacted me, so I felt that if she were no longer interested she should have let me know instead of leaving me hanging for months. But regardless of how professional or unprofessional her behaviour may have been, I am relieved. It is nice to be able to write what I want, when I want to - I have no deadline, other than the self-imposed ones, and I can say whatever I choose without the fear of being edited within an inch of my life. If I want to say "shit", then God-dammit, I'll say "shit"! With or without the quotation marks. Freedom is a gift we often forget we have.

I won't lie and say I don't imagine what could have been. There was no talk of payment (cheapskate!) but to have one's name out there can't hurt - it may have led places, but those places may have just been down. I do believe in fate, and this was just not meant to be.

So now I am here, the captain of my own little ship that has only 426 page views to date, but at least that ship is afloat. And really, this is more for me than it is for you, so every page view is a bonus!

That said, I hope that you check back in regularly, and I hope that my journey does help you on yours - even if only to make you chuckle at my idiocy. All mommies, each of us are special, and despite the fact that online magazine editors may kick us in the ego now and then, we need to remember that. Because back at the ranch there is a little person (or two, or ten) who can't do without us. There is no one who could take our place.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Here's to glasses half full. And shit.

Smiles,
Mommy