What Binds Us Together, What Tears Us Apart

"The moment the child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."

No matter how many times you may read that, how many times you may meditate on the sentiment, until you are born as a mother you will and can never understand it. I don't say this out of arrogance or self-conceit, it is a simple truth. The birth of a child means the rebirth of a woman. She is taken apart and remoulded, in the blink of an eye. On the outside we look the same, but on the inside we are changed, left open and vulnerable, at the mercy of this tiny child we hold in our arms. Yes, motherhood, it is one of the great deciders. A decider of who we are, what we will become. It makes us or it breaks us. It is a glorious journey of self rediscovery, a journey we gladly embark on, filled with hope and possibility. We meet not only our child, but the new us. The us we call mother.

But despite the wonder of motherhood, for many, including myself, it can be a time of great loneliness. Where unshakable relationships once stood, now chasms gape. The distance between mother and non-mother widens, by no fault of anyone, but by the simple passing of time. Canyons eroded by priority and misunderstanding. Yes, motherhood, it is what binds us together, and what tears us apart.

Weaning Baby

When Rod and I first found out that Ricky was on the way, I made the promise to myself and my unborn child that I would breastfeed for a year. I know the experts claim that a child should be breastfed for at least two years but, all due respect to them and my son, that just isn't going to happen. I miss pretty, lacy bras! I miss low-cut tops! I miss feeling that special sort of sexy that feeding bras just don't lend to an outfit, no matter how well put together. Right after Ricky was born I was given about a million and one clothing vouchers - which I spent in record time on some gorgeous stuff! - but I am yet to even wear some of it! Hell, don't get me wrong, Carriwell makes a damn comfortable feeding bra! But they don't really fit under that pretty, lacy cami. I despise seeing a new mother walking in the mall with her babe in her arms and her bra on display for all to admire. Shoulder straps are an inevitable part of life, but when I can see the back strap with the catches sticking out above the back of a shirt, or the top of a cup peeking out of a dress, I feel ill. Having a newborn is no reason to look slovenly! And so I patiently sit with a closet full of gorgeous new clothing waiting for the day I can again don La Senza!

A Little Sad, But a Little Relieved

Once upon a time, before I was Mommy, I was approached by a woman who was starting an online magazine for moms in business. She was trying to get a few people interested in writing articles, and asked if I was keen. Of course I was! I have no clue how she got my name, and I didn't ask. The magazine, I was told, would touch on all things woman - health, beauty, food, home, children, you name it - and it seemed like the perfect place to cut my teeth with regards to writing. This was not long before Ricky was born, and I was still intent on continuing with a career in events, so I was perfectly placed to write about being a new mom in business - the ups and downs of new mommyhood, juggling a business and a new baby, amusing anecdotes of day-to-day life... We went back and forth for a little while, and eventually it was decided that I would be a regular contributor. We both felt that my style would work better as a column rather than a once-off article - there is just so much happening in a new mom's life! And so, at my suggestion, I submitted a couple articles for her to read to get a feel for my style and content - she gave me absolutely no direction in this regard, so I went with what I considered safe topics, hoping she would give me a little feedback for editing. Well, that was three weeks after Ricky's birth - and I'm still waiting.